We have all met countless types of people throughout our lives. We have seen different types of families as well. And just like them, we also have our own families that we look up to, right?
As we grow up, we are influenced by the dynamics of those that surround us. However, we did not truly escape from the kind of childhood we have been set. It’s either something fond to remember or not worth remembering at all. And believe it or not, what we are today is a pinch of the now but a spoonful of yesterday.
As we start our own families, we have these sets of household rules we incorporate into our child’s system. These rules have been passed down from generation to generation. It’s not a bad thing though but what’s alarming are those rigid rules you have been fed, which you have disliked but still pass it on to your children so as not to cut the family tradition.
It’s a sad fact though that the Wounded Child that we have, one that is not healed, is fixated upon us and still lingers around unto this day. The unsettled issues became trust issues, the unmet demands became inferiority complexes, yet we still unconsciously choose to pass it on to our children.
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The truth is, we need to parent ourselves first before we start parenting our children. We need to overcome those mental and emotional issues we have been so drawn back then and see to it that children are growth opportunities and that they should be given the autonomy to move.
According to Freud, our consciousness is only the tip of the iceberg. Buried down underneath of which is of a larger scale, are our unconscious behaviors that manifest in their own way. If we keep belittling our children, maybe we have been belittled by our parents before. If we raise our voice and use force to make them behave, more likely we were reprimanded that way.
“Each time since early childhood when we stopped the flow of energy in a painful event, we froze that event in both energy and time… that part of our psyche remains frozen until we thaw it out. It does not mature as we do. If the event happened when we were one year old, that part of our psyche is still age one. It will continue to be one year old and act as a one-year-old person when evoked. It will not mature until it is healed by getting enough energy into the block to thaw it and initiate the maturation process/. We are full of such energy-consciousness time blocks. How long, in any given day, does one human being act out of the adult self? Not long.” Barbara Ann Brennan
The unconscious voices in our head, the one who scolds us, is our Inner Critic. It demands that norms be specifically followed, that other people’s ideologies should be confirmed and that you are bound to do what other people would say. It’s self-inflicting but we are unconscious about it. And when we keep on allowing the Inner Critic to criticize us, our Wounded Child would be hardly ever fixed.
The best way to heal your Wounded Child, is to take up relaxation and mindfulness meditation. Try yoga, energy healing medicines such as Reiki. Hypnosis, EFT, and NLP can also do the job.
The next time you want to scold your child for something, evaluate yourself first. Check to see if this scolding should be part of a discipline or is this just your repressed emotions taking control of you.